<p>各位秋裤，刘德华没怎么解冻，这东西就快解冻了！</p><p>禁止解冻！禁止解冻！</p><p class="f_center"><img onerror="javascript:this.style.opacity = 0;" src="https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fcms-bucket.ws.126.net%2F2026%2F0302%2F7dbc9070j00tb9ykd00c3c000j600djc.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg" style="margin: 0px auto; display: block;" /></p><p>此刻的学生党最怕解冻的东西：</p><p class="f_center"><img onerror="javascript:this.style.opacity = 0;" src="https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fcms-bucket.ws.126.net%2F2026%2F0302%2F0a92f878j00tb9yke00ykc000u000txc.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg" style="margin: 0px auto; display: block;" /></p><p>但我估计，有的孩子巴不得开学呢。</p><p class="f_center"><img onerror="javascript:this.style.opacity = 0;" src="https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fcms-bucket.ws.126.net%2F2026%2F0302%2F50eb4794p00tb9ykd003lc000ic0032c.png&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg" style="margin: 0px auto; display: block;" /></p><p>成摞的寒假作业、试卷、练习册，甚至还有各种各样的戒尺……近日，广东清远一个6岁女孩因为在网上炫耀“假期很闲”，还对网友扎心喊话，被全国各地网友源源不断地“投喂”。</p><p class="f_center"><img onerror="javascript:this.style.opacity = 0;" src="https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fcms-bucket.ws.126.net%2F2026%2F0302%2F6f16b90fj00tb9ykd00fzc000bz00j0c.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg" style="margin: 0px auto; display: block;" /></p><p>人在干坏事的时候果然是不计成本！</p><p>网友现在唯一关心的：“做到哪了？我寄过去的开始做了吗？”</p><p class="f_center"><img onerror="javascript:this.style.opacity = 0;" src="https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fcms-bucket.ws.126.net%2F2026%2F0302%2F1b1e8548j00tb9ykd005jc000bi00cxc.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg" style="margin: 0px auto; display: block;" /></p><p>6岁就收到了来自社会的第一顿“毒打”。</p><p>孩子还是太嫩了，不知道这届网友们比较叛逆么？</p><p>那啥，她家地址在哪，阿姨也想给大侄女寄点土特产~</p><p>接下来的寒暑假你都不会闲了~</p><p class="f_center"><img onerror="javascript:this.style.opacity = 0;" src="https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fcms-bucket.ws.126.net%2F2026%2F0302%2F8d86d88fj00tb9yke00qzc000jz00qmc.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg" style="margin: 0px auto; display: block;" /></p><p class="f_center"><img onerror="javascript:this.style.opacity = 0;" src="https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fcms-bucket.ws.126.net%2F2026%2F0302%2F8e0777c4j00tb9ykf00klc000u00140c.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg" style="margin: 0px auto; display: block;" /></p><p>建议给每个同学送两本试卷，就说是这女孩送的。</p><p class="f_center"><img onerror="javascript:this.style.opacity = 0;" src="https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fcms-bucket.ws.126.net%2F2026%2F0302%2Fe35d345aj00tb9yke0096c000eu00hxc.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg" style="margin: 0px auto; display: block;" /></p><p>给孩子送东西，还是得送点实在的。</p><p>姑奶给两个月大的宝宝发压岁钱，正在睡觉的宝宝，下意识把红包接了下来。</p><p class="f_center"><img onerror="javascript:this.style.opacity = 0;" src="https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fcms-bucket.ws.126.net%2F2026%2F0302%2F94f55f1dj00tb9yke004mc0007500cec.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg" style="margin: 0px auto; display: block;" /></p><p class="f_center"><img onerror="javascript:this.style.opacity = 0;" src="https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fcms-bucket.ws.126.net%2F2026%2F0302%2F94e7de30j00tb9yke0047c0007800ccc.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg" style="margin: 0px auto; display: block;" /></p><p>一看这小子就是个老手！</p><p class="f_center"><img onerror="javascript:this.style.opacity = 0;" src="https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fcms-bucket.ws.126.net%2F2026%2F0302%2F901af6d7j00tb9ykf00tec000j600ooc.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg" style="margin: 0px auto; display: block;" /></p><p>怕不是财迷投胎的吧？看来上辈子的事没忘啊。</p><p>宝宝：我上辈子就是被穷死的，所以这辈子对钱特别有感觉！</p><p class="f_center"><img onerror="javascript:this.style.opacity = 0;" src="https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fcms-bucket.ws.126.net%2F2026%2F0302%2Fc8c07629j00tb9ykf007bc000e800e8c.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg" style="margin: 0px auto; display: block;" /></p><p>这就叫见钱眼开。</p><p>宝宝：早就胎教了，这流程我懂，妈妈交代的任务睡觉也得完成。</p><p class="f_center"><img onerror="javascript:this.style.opacity = 0;" src="https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fcms-bucket.ws.126.net%2F2026%2F0302%2F9500f916j00tb9ykf002dc0009i00abc.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg" style="margin: 0px auto; display: block;" /></p><p>孩子只是小，但孩子不傻。</p><p>不过还是太嫩了，还没学会欲拒还迎那一套的精髓。</p><p class="f_center"><img onerror="javascript:this.style.opacity = 0;" src="https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fcms-bucket.ws.126.net%2F2026%2F0302%2F97bccf59j00tb9ykg00uwc000uw00u0c.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg" style="margin: 0px auto; display: block;" /></p><p>有些孩子小小年纪已经开始“败家”了。</p><p>近日，广东佛山。陈女士随手将装有近百克黄金的袋子放在茶几上，不料却被女儿误以为是垃圾，在早上7点多扔进了垃圾桶。直到当晚8点，陈女士才发现黄金不见了。据了解，袋内包含一条80克男士金项链，以及小型女士项链、戒指、耳环、小金牌等，总价值近十万元。发现黄金丢失后，陈女士一家立即冲向垃圾桶，但桶内早已空空如也。经询问物业得知，垃圾早已被收走。记者随后火速联系辖区环卫公司，却得知：这批垃圾已于27号下午被送往焚烧厂处理，目前正在跟进中。</p><p class="f_center"><img onerror="javascript:this.style.opacity = 0;" src="https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fcms-bucket.ws.126.net%2F2026%2F0302%2F27332a14j00tb9ykg00kzc000gq00r7c.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg" style="margin: 0px auto; display: block;" /></p><p>黄金：我自由了～</p><p class="f_center"><img onerror="javascript:this.style.opacity = 0;" src="https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fcms-bucket.ws.126.net%2F2026%2F0302%2Ff2791381j00tb9ykg004ac000j600pkc.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg" style="margin: 0px auto; display: block;" /></p><p>十万的东西随手一放，你们有钱人还是太松弛了。</p><p>最忌讳首饰随便一包一放，一扔一个准。</p><p>还忌讳不该勤快的时候瞎勤快。</p><p>还好我从来不是个勤劳的孩子。</p><p class="f_center"><img onerror="javascript:this.style.opacity = 0;" src="https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fcms-bucket.ws.126.net%2F2026%2F0302%2F2f33a20dj00tb9ykg0076c000j600n6c.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg" style="margin: 0px auto; display: block;" /></p><p>不过现在我决定勤快一把。</p><p>金子丢在哪个垃圾站了？我帮忙去找，不要辛苦费！</p><p class="f_center"><img onerror="javascript:this.style.opacity = 0;" src="https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fcms-bucket.ws.126.net%2F2026%2F0302%2F1ac0d1d0j00tb9ykh00kyc000u000zdc.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg" style="margin: 0px auto; display: block;" /></p><p>也不一定被运垃圾的车装走了，期间还有数个翻垃圾桶的大爷大妈，很难说没被他们捡走。</p><p>大爷大妈：我就说翻垃圾桶会有好事发生！</p><p class="f_center"><img onerror="javascript:this.style.opacity = 0;" src="https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fcms-bucket.ws.126.net%2F2026%2F0302%2Fa9f8e474j00tb9yki00zdc000u00140c.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg" style="margin: 0px auto; display: block;" /></p><p class="f_center"><img onerror="javascript:this.style.opacity = 0;" src="https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fcms-bucket.ws.126.net%2F2026%2F0302%2F54b2421bj00tb9ykj01p2c000u0013zc.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg" style="margin: 0px auto; display: block;" /></p><p>有些新闻听着就很心疼，我也正在经历心疼，夏威夷别墅的钥匙，被我弄坏了……</p><p class="f_center"><img onerror="javascript:this.style.opacity = 0;" src="https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fcms-bucket.ws.126.net%2F2026%2F0302%2F6297b110j00tb9ykh008nc000e900fac.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg" style="margin: 0px auto; display: block;" /></p><p>小伙，你差点把自己弄坏。</p><p>近日，江苏南京，28岁小伙因腹痛就医，CT检查发现肠道内竟卡着2把勺子。患者称是食用新疆食品时不慎吞下，起初以为只有1把，肠镜检查后确认是2把。勺子卡在回肠末端，周围黏膜已形成溃疡，随时有穿孔风险。</p><p class="f_center"><img onerror="javascript:this.style.opacity = 0;" src="https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fcms-bucket.ws.126.net%2F2026%2F0302%2F596174acj00tb9ykh00g9c000gp00ozc.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg" style="margin: 0px auto; display: block;" /></p><p>因异物长约12公分，且位于肠腔狭窄的小肠内，取出难度较大。医生经过近一小时操作，成功将两把勺子完整取出。医生提醒，误吞异物在临床较为常见，可能引发消化道穿孔、出血等严重后果，一旦发生需在24小时内及时就医处理，避免出现严重并发症。</p><p class="f_center"><img onerror="javascript:this.style.opacity = 0;" src="https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fcms-bucket.ws.126.net%2F2026%2F0302%2Fdf4094d2j00tb9yki00g2c000gh00pbc.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg" style="margin: 0px auto; display: block;" /></p><p>我平时吞药都困难……这么长的勺子他是在什么情况下吞下去的呢？还两把……</p><p class="f_center"><img onerror="javascript:this.style.opacity = 0;" src="https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fcms-bucket.ws.126.net%2F2026%2F0302%2F80c62107j00tb9ykj00k8c000u000zvc.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg" style="margin: 0px auto; display: block;" /></p><p>难道是先进去了一把，掏不出来，再拿另一把掏，也进去了？</p><p>你这嗓子眼什么也守不住啊……</p><p class="f_center"><img onerror="javascript:this.style.opacity = 0;" src="https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fcms-bucket.ws.126.net%2F2026%2F0302%2F2de9d260j00tb9yki00mzc000j600mzc.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg" style="margin: 0px auto; display: block;" /></p><p>可能吞了又不好意思说，就说是误吞。</p><p>下次再这样吞点开塞露吧……</p><p class="f_center"><img onerror="javascript:this.style.opacity = 0;" src="https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fcms-bucket.ws.126.net%2F2026%2F0302%2F60112735j00tb9yki00asc000j600kdc.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg" style="margin: 0px auto; display: block;" /></p><p>新疆食品：我咋不知道勺子还能吃？这锅我可不背！</p><p class="f_center"><img onerror="javascript:this.style.opacity = 0;" src="https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fcms-bucket.ws.126.net%2F2026%2F0302%2F0cff0184j00tb9ykj00n9c000j600ozc.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg" style="margin: 0px auto; display: block;" /></p><p>2月22日，一位网友发布了自己春节后返程途中，在高速服务区与“年货”同吃方便面的视频，引发网友关注。她配文调侃：“去年的年货，今年回来过个年又带回去了。”

2月23日，潇湘晨报记者联系上当事人李女士。据她介绍，这只大公鸡是去年过年时，母亲从老家买来准备食用的。“当时孩子很喜欢它，不让杀，养着养着发现它很听话、很粘人，还很聪明，就一直养了下来。”

这只公鸡养了近一年，今年过年李女士将它带回老家，节后又一同返程。有网友好奇：“鸡在服务区不会跑掉吗？”李女士回应，因为已经养熟了，公鸡并不会乱跑。

李女士说，这只大公鸡基本能听懂人话，喊它就会过来，还会主动抢食、要吃的。如今，它早已不是“年货”，而是被当成宠物，成了家里的一员。</p><p class="f_center"><img onerror="javascript:this.style.opacity = 0;" src="https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fcms-bucket.ws.126.net%2F2026%2F0302%2F59c69a74j00tb9ykk00jfc000g800qbc.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg" style="margin: 0px auto; display: block;" /></p><p>本是桌上一道菜，遇上人间有大爱。</p><p>这还是鸡吗，这是凤凰了！</p><p class="f_center"><img onerror="javascript:this.style.opacity = 0;" src="https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fcms-bucket.ws.126.net%2F2026%2F0302%2F755b03dfj00tb9ykj007sc0008d00bkc.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg" style="margin: 0px auto; display: block;" /></p><p>事实证明，不管什么动物，只要听话，都讨人喜欢。</p><p>公鸡：再不听话就没了，你说能不听话吗！</p><p class="f_center"><img onerror="javascript:this.style.opacity = 0;" src="https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fcms-bucket.ws.126.net%2F2026%2F0302%2F5e62e0daj00tb9ykj0081c0008200cnc.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg" style="margin: 0px auto; display: block;" /></p><p>我从家里返程就不带活物，我都是带现金。</p><p>返程那天，我在裤兜里发现了2万块钱，原来是我怕自己在外面过得不好，自己偷的我妈的，或许这就是长大的意义吧，以前哪敢偷这么多……</p><p class="f_center"><img onerror="javascript:this.style.opacity = 0;" src="https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fcms-bucket.ws.126.net%2F2026%2F0302%2F82f2bc1dj00tb9ykk00m3c000gf00ojc.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg" style="margin: 0px auto; display: block;" /></p><p>接下来这家的关系，有些复杂。</p><p>近日，安徽淮北一则“亲母女嫁给亲父子俩”的婚恋引发关注。据知情人透露，“老两口”结婚约三年后，又将各自的儿女撮合到了一起。网友纷纷热议：“挺好，没有婆媳矛盾”“将来孩子出生该怎么喊呢”。</p><p class="f_center"><img onerror="javascript:this.style.opacity = 0;" src="https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fcms-bucket.ws.126.net%2F2026%2F0302%2F25971490p00tb9ytv0061c000g700orc.png&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg" alt="" style="margin: 0px auto; display: block;" /><br /></p><p>这才叫婆婆也是妈～</p><p>他们家肯定没有这种婆媳矛盾吧？</p><p class="f_center"><img onerror="javascript:this.style.opacity = 0;" src="https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fcms-bucket.ws.126.net%2F2026%2F0302%2F81e10740j00tb9ykl012uc000j600yqc.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg" style="margin: 0px auto; display: block;" /></p><p class="f_center"><img onerror="javascript:this.style.opacity = 0;" src="https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fcms-bucket.ws.126.net%2F2026%2F0302%2F8dd48cdbj00tb9ykl015oc000j600ywc.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg" style="margin: 0px auto; display: block;" /></p><p>这回grandma和grandpa的意思用全了。</p><p>妈：闺女，嫁给他儿子，他家就尽在掌握。</p><p>儿子内心：娶了后妈闺女就相当于我家钱还是我家钱！</p><p class="f_center"><img onerror="javascript:this.style.opacity = 0;" src="https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fcms-bucket.ws.126.net%2F2026%2F0302%2F697a9bcej00tb9ykl00kkc000u000x0c.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg" style="margin: 0px auto; display: block;" /></p><p>孩子：爷爷，你怎么和姥姥睡一起了？</p><p>然后小孩到处说“我爷爷和姥姥有一腿”（不是）</p><p class="f_center"><img onerror="javascript:this.style.opacity = 0;" src="https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fcms-bucket.ws.126.net%2F2026%2F0302%2Fba56abdej00tb9ykl00jkc000j600eec.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg" style="margin: 0px auto; display: block;" /></p><p>好了，今天的一刻就到这，我们下期再见~</p><p>以上~</p><p class="f_center"><img onerror="javascript:this.style.opacity = 0;" src="https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fcms-bucket.ws.126.net%2F2026%2F0302%2Fadbb2d1bp00tb9ykl005bc000ic0032c.png&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg" style="margin: 0px auto; display: block;" /></p><p>喝热水多健康啊</p><p class="f_center"><img onerror="javascript:this.style.opacity = 0;" src="https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fcms-bucket.ws.126.net%2F2026%2F0302%2Ff96badbej00tb9ykl003vc000qo011tc.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg" style="margin: 0px auto; display: block;" /></p><p class="f_center"><img onerror="javascript:this.style.opacity = 0;" src="https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fcms-bucket.ws.126.net%2F2026%2F0302%2F5ac999cbj00tb9ykm000oc000gw00gyc.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg" style="margin: 0px auto; display: block;" /></p><p>及时行乐</p><p class="f_center"><img onerror="javascript:this.style.opacity = 0;" src="https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fcms-bucket.ws.126.net%2F2026%2F0302%2F3186af72j00tb9ykm007hc000wi01d4c.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg" style="margin: 0px auto; display: block;" /></p><p>这就是传说中有14亿人的超级宗门吗？</p><p class="f_center"><img onerror="javascript:this.style.opacity = 0;" src="https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fcms-bucket.ws.126.net%2F2026%2F0302%2Fd67a9e48j00tb9ykm0054c000j600ukc.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg" style="margin: 0px auto; display: block;" /></p><p>当我让我妹吃完自己洗，我之前简直就是在乱懒</p><p class="f_center"><img onerror="javascript:this.style.opacity = 0;" src="https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fcms-bucket.ws.126.net%2F2026%2F0302%2F8f6ebbc4j00tb9ykm002qc000j600q4c.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg" style="margin: 0px auto; display: block;" /></p><p>工作人员：求求了</p><p class="f_center"><img onerror="javascript:this.style.opacity = 0;" src="https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fcms-bucket.ws.126.net%2F2026%2F0302%2Fefcd43c3j00tb9ykm001tc000j600vnc.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg" style="margin: 0px auto; display: block;" /></p><p>给米饭贴了个创可贴</p><p class="f_center"><img onerror="javascript:this.style.opacity = 0;" src="https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fcms-bucket.ws.126.net%2F2026%2F0302%2Ff617b51ej00tb9ykm002gc000qs00qsc.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg" style="margin: 0px auto; display: block;" /></p><p class="f_center"><img onerror="javascript:this.style.opacity = 0;" src="https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fcms-bucket.ws.126.net%2F2026%2F0302%2F8508c51bj00tb9ykm0013c000qs00qsc.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg" style="margin: 0px auto; display: block;" /></p><p>成为我朋友的好处：</p><p class="f_center"><img onerror="javascript:this.style.opacity = 0;" src="https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fcms-bucket.ws.126.net%2F2026%2F0302%2F516e20c7j00tb9ykm000oc000j600gtc.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg" style="margin: 0px auto; display: block;" /></p><p>怎么不说话了</p><p class="f_center"><img onerror="javascript:this.style.opacity = 0;" src="https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fcms-bucket.ws.126.net%2F2026%2F0302%2F87a00844j00tb9yko00qtc000j601xwc.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg" style="margin: 0px auto; display: block;" /></p><p>红温了</p><p class="f_center"><img onerror="javascript:this.style.opacity = 0;" src="https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fcms-bucket.ws.126.net%2F2026%2F0302%2F92030363j00tb9ykn00ubc000j600pic.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg" style="margin: 0px auto; display: block;" /></p><p>惊爆</p><p class="f_center"><img onerror="javascript:this.style.opacity = 0;" src="https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fcms-bucket.ws.126.net%2F2026%2F0302%2F432d1b90j00tb9ykn008jc000fa00c0c.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg" style="margin: 0px auto; display: block;" /></p><p>大家把ta艾特出来</p><p class="f_center"><img onerror="javascript:this.style.opacity = 0;" src="https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fcms-bucket.ws.126.net%2F2026%2F0302%2F39c04d8ej00tb9yko00rsc000j600pac.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg" style="margin: 0px auto; display: block;" /></p><p>我将学习</p><p class="f_center"><img onerror="javascript:this.style.opacity = 0;" src="https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fcms-bucket.ws.126.net%2F2026%2F0302%2F2265ea81j00tb9ykn0030c0007f007oc.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg" style="margin: 0px auto; display: block;" /></p><p>不许</p><p class="f_center"><img onerror="javascript:this.style.opacity = 0;" src="https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fcms-bucket.ws.126.net%2F2026%2F0302%2Fca5853d3j00tb9ykp00mxc000j600nzc.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg" style="margin: 0px auto; display: block;" /></p><p>不是，等一下</p><p class="f_center"><img onerror="javascript:this.style.opacity = 0;" src="https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fcms-bucket.ws.126.net%2F2026%2F0302%2F5dcb9760j00tb9ykp00y2c000j600u0c.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg" style="margin: 0px auto; display: block;" /></p><p class="f_center"><img onerror="javascript:this.style.opacity = 0;" src="https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fcms-bucket.ws.126.net%2F2026%2F0302%2F15791bcfj00tb9ykp00gec001lb009kc.jpg&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg" style="margin: 0px auto; display: block;" /></p><p>1、老师告诉学生：“以后写文章，不要自称笔者，因为现在，没有人用笔。”学生问：“那应该叫什么？”老师说：“叫键人。”学生又问：“哦，那些只用鼠标的呢？”老师说：“叫鼠辈。”学生再问：“可是，现在大家，都用智能手机了，都是触摸式的，那应该叫什么呢？”老师说：“叫触生！”</p><p>2、闺蜜过年长胖了，问我怎么减肥。</p><p>我告诉她，找一个丑一点的男人网恋，最好找那种看一眼就吃不下饭的丑男。</p><p>什么时候吃饭，就什么时候打开视频和他聊天，慢慢就瘦了。</p><p>闺蜜：我上哪找你男朋友那样的啊！</p><p>3、打电话和老妈聊天：“妈，最近钱不够花啊。”老妈责备地问：“钱不够怎么不早和我说？”我略显感动心想这次可以多要点，老妈说：“早说我就不接这个电话帮你省点电话费。”说完挂了电话。</p><p>4、儿子和女友在家门前吻别，不料父亲正好了回来了。</p><p>儿子很紧张，不知道说什么才好，</p><p>临时想出一句话：爸爸，要不你也来一口？</p><p>爸爸面红耳赤道：不了，不了，家里有，家里有！</p><p>5、女友昨晚又在网上狂买衣服，我质问：“衣柜全都是你的衣服，为什么还感觉不够穿？”“这是爱好，你硬盘里的片儿够看么？”</p><p class="f_center"><img onerror="javascript:this.style.opacity = 0;" src="https://nimg.ws.126.net/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fcms-bucket.ws.126.net%2F2026%2F0302%2F580e60a0p00tb9ykp004oc000ic0032c.png&thumbnail=660x2147483647&quality=80&type=jpg" style="margin: 0px auto; display: block;" /></p><p>“你骚”“你骚”</p><p>
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